Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
