Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
