a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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