Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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