Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
