What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
