I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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