i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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