Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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