Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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