The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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