I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
