I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
there is puke in my bra ... again
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