A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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