i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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