when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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