Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Randomize
