Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
