I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
