if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
