WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
