She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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