This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
