yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
