oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
