Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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