i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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