tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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