Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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