so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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