I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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