I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
