I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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