hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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