I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
