Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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