Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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