She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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