Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize