were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
