Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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