When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
