Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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