That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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