She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
