I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is my gift to your gina
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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