i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All the doctor said was why
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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