I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
