I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
