ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
