opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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