So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
