Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
