Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
