I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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