soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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