I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
