My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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