I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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