I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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