I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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