I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
