She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
