Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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