I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
