He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
